The Fine Art of a Prank

This is Niles

My friend Adam (and client) and I decided to prank my boss (at the time) by having Adam pretend to be someone else. Specifically, Niles Standish from the old TV show “Crank Yankers”. This is what happened over a series of emails.

From: Lawyer
To: John
Subject: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Hi John,

Attached are the reference letters for Mike Smith. Please distribute and return the signed originals printed on the corresponding company letter. We will need to submit a Peer Advisory Letter for him as well, please provide the name of the US Industry Contact that will sign a letter on his behalf.

Thank you,

Lawyer

From: John TO: John
Subject: FW: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Hey there

Can you do this for me again PLEASE
thank you

From: Adam
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2015 1:44 PM
To: John
Subject: Re: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Tell you what. Take this Visa letter, DOUBLE IT, and then cut it in half?

Does that skallywag work for ya?

From: John
Subject: RE: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

What does that mean???

From: Adam
Sent: Friday, January 09, 2015 12:32 PM
To: John
Subject: Re: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Hello John,

Niles Standish here. I am filling in for the ol’ chap Prakash while he is out.

Prakash is such a silly name is it not? I bet nobody says that to his face though. HA! HA!

Tell you what- I like you John. And I will quite hastily send over this visa letter. Will it be fine for me to sign my name?

I may not be a spring chicken like Prakash, as I’m an old poof from England who loves scotch and young boy skallys, but I have worked in the industry for quite a bit.

Had my own fair share of these foreign young lads. So impressionable, yes yes?

The letter I read is quite astounding. Every time I see a visa letter it reminds me of the following poem I wrote bloody ages ago!

They talk about their Pilgrim blood,
Their birthright high and holy!
A mountain-stream that ends in mud
Methinks is melancholy.

Yes, yes?

Let me know if that works for you.

Niles

From: John
Date: Friday, January 9, 2015 12:46 PM
Subject: RE: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Thank you

If you can send the letter back with your signature

It would be great

From: Adam
To: John
Subject: Re: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Oh Balls, John. Can I call you Frey? Looks like it’s time for me to put up my hat in this industry- as there are always so many changes.

Just got word that I don’t have legal parameters to sign off on this document. Balls, balls, BALLS!

But let me tell you what I’ll do for you. See, I am very very wealthy. I’m a bit of a philanthropist in my day to day life, yes yes?

And I do this magazine work from time to time as a freelancer to keep my blood boiling, my heart pumping, and my loins active with the actors. HA! HA!

Now i’ve learned a trick or two from being a philanthropist, you see? There are ways around the system, yes yes?

Now here is what I will do for YOU!! I’m going to take this visa letter, and I am going to double it! Double it, cut it half, and send through with “Prakash’s” signature.

The trick is, you see, that it will have Prakash’s name but won’t actually need him to be here to sign the document. We’ve done plenty of things like this with my philanthropy business. I mean quite honestly, it’s how I keep afloat. David will be approved, you’ll be happy, and I’d have done something to give back to the community.

Will that do? Be a lamb for me and say yes and I will get this over in two shakes!

Cheerio,

Niles

From: John
Subject: RE: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Whatever floats your boat!

From: Adam
To: John
Subject: Re: Reference Letters for Mike Smith

Ahoy Frey!

Niles Standish here! Happy Wednesday to you. I have something so exciting for you today that will make your willy stand right up and jump for bloody joy!

THE VISA LETTER! Yes, that’s right. See up above? There is an attachment link (nifty technology these days, I can’t even imagine). If you click it, double it, cut it in half and voila! Magic. There it is. Yes, yes?

Did you know…well of course you don’t as we’ve only just started chatting, but I used to be a magician in England a few years back. HA! HA! Such fun that was and quite an extraordinary experience to say the least. Hence my “voila! Magic” statement above. Sometimes, the magician terms still JUST slip right out of me like a ripe young lad who was just a tad premature in his endeavors, if you know what I mean. Yes, yes?

Oh those were some great times at the old Krowd Keepers Theatre in Somerset. Unfortunately I was banned from that location for performing a show that considered “inappropriate”. Can you imagine? In theatre? Personally I thought it was bloody brilliant. It twist on Harry Potter yet had adult themes. It seems as though many of the parents of the young kids were outraged by the performance. They felt mislead by the banners and were not expecting Harry and Ron to be performing lewd acts together with their “wands”, if you know what I mean. I thought the name “Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Bone” would be quite self explanatory. Well that and the image of the boys ass to willy. HA HA! But I say to hell with them. It’s theatre! Don’t you agree? Yes, yes?

Oh Frey! I’ve enjoyed our chats. But from your brief email below, I feel as though I may have upset you. If that is the case, I am deeply sorry. I like you Frey, and would never want to jeopardize our relationship.

After today, Prakash will return and I will be out and about skallywagging until I find the next job. Which reminds me, do you have any openings (even freelance/short term) at your fine establishment? I have experience with some actors. Yes, yes?

Niles

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Sex Humor Wellness Writer @ Playboy, Allure, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Cosmo, WashPo. Follow IG: @rachelkhona

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Rachel Khona

Rachel Khona

Sex Humor Wellness Writer @ Playboy, Allure, Marie Claire, The New York Times, Cosmo, WashPo. Follow IG: @rachelkhona

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